doubt

What's doubt? I'm not sure (watch the sarcasm --')

How can you define something that you arent sure what it is? Yeah you can have a whole lifetime of things that you're sure of, but there will be a moment in your perfect little life when you begin to wonder.. ''Am I doing the right thing?''

Doubt isn't a bad thing, though. Sometimes it makes you think twice. Sometimes doubt is the only way to not make bad decisions.

But what about a man's (or a woman's, I'm not trying to be mean here girls xP) true meaning of life? What becomes of those who dedicate their lives to one single purpose? What happens when they watch their beliefs fall as they are filled with doubt about those very same beliefs?



I doubt this post is any good..

28/12

There's a story I heard today.. It can relate to anyone who wishes so. Not sure of the exact words and lines, though. Anyway, here it goes:


'Once there was a woman who was arguing with a man. Feelling desperate and desolated, she looked for the help of a priest.
-Father, is gossip a sin?
And the priest shouted, filling the confessionary with his thunderous voice:
-Are you out of your mind, woman?! Of course it is! The one who gossips should be forever punished for its deeds!
-But I dont understand, father - said the woman, nearly crying - what have I done wrong? Cant you just grant me forgiveness?
-I am afraid that is not that simple my child. You dont know the true valor of your actions.
And the woman was now on her knees, somewhat like she was begging for all the aid the Lord could give her.
-Tell me then, father - she whispered - what must I do?
The priest kept in total silence for a while, then looked through that strange window and said:
-Before I can forgive you, there is something I want you to do. You must to go home and get a pillow of yours. You must then grab a knife, after what you must go to the roof and stab the pillow with your knife.
The woman was back 15 minutes later, apparently quite tired.
-I did as you requested, father.
-And what was the result of that, my child?
-Feathers - she merely said.
The priest looked quite intrigued with the woman's answer.
-Feathers, you say..
-Yes, father - the woman looked like she wasn't getting the point of the whole thing - , just feathers.
-Very well. There's now another task that I have waiting for you. You must now go back to your roof and bring me back all the feathers.
The woman felt like the priest playing some sort of game with her, although his tone clearly showed that he wasn't having fun at all.
-I'm afraid I can't do that, father.
-And why is that? - he asked, confused
-Well, as soon as I stabed my pillow, all the feathers went flying through the air. And with the help of the wind, by this time they've already spread through all sorts of places.
-My child - said the priest, apparently getting to a conclusion - that is gossip.''


good story with a good message.. which makes this a not so good post..

cheers

so..

I've been thinking about what I wrote on my last post. And I found the answer

I gotta find a way to earn their love and respect.

And, as someone once said...






''If you want something. go get it. Period''

thoughts

There are a lot of people who give me too much credit. They support me. They help me no matter what.




I don't deserve them.

Fly

One day I'll break free. One day I'll learn how to fly.

One day I'll fly away..


.. and I'll take you with me.

...

I miss you..

Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! This is the day you've all been waiting for the intire year. May you all spend this occasion with all your beloved ones and have a great and happy new year, hopefully better than this past one.

Just wanted to post something today. I had to post something today, on the 25th of December.. If it werent for the coming of my brothers, who I missed so much since I only get to see them once every year sometimes, nobody would think my Christmas was interely happy.

First of all, last night my parents werent at home (nice headstart ..) so I got to spend the night with my little sister and my grandma. Not any problems with my sis, she's no big deal. But my grandma turned very mad at me (I didnt even find out why) and began shouting out loud. She left the house early this morning. Dont think she'll come back so soon..

Then my parents came to the scene. They woke me up at a quarter to 7 a.m. (I had gone to bed at 4 in that same morning - good news about that, I spent all that time talking with someone who trully understands the meaning of life and of friendship, and from who I have learned many lessons) and told me to have: a shower, my bedroom decently organized and my shoes tied for the arrival of my brothers.

On the other hand, the past few hours were some of the best hours of my life. My sister came from Oxford on purpose to spend the day with me. My brothers left the pressure of work and college to come too. And soon all my sadness had been forgotten, just for a few hours, but it was well worth it.

They left 1 hour ago or something. And with that, that old feeling of loss has returned. I'm still thinking about them. And I think about the other people that brighten my life.

My friends. My one true friend.

And my love..


Merry Xmas

I love her..

I keep thinking about her.. Im not addicted, it's something quite different. I spend half the time of my life thinking about her and the other half wondering if Im going nutts or something.. She drives me crazy..

I love her so much. I really do. It didnt happen suddenly.. Or maybe it did. I think I have felt this for a long time, but it just took me so long to realise that. Not that it matters anymore.

Sometimes I wonder.. Is it worth taking the shot? Is it worth looking for one more chance to fight? Is it worth fighting when it all seems lost?

And then I see her. I look deep inside into her eyes.. she shows that smile of hers.. and something happens. Not sure what it is, but it's good. Great. It's her. I find the strenght to fight within her smile, within her eyes.. She means everything that's worth fighting for. She represents all the beauty of my world.

She's everything to me.. She's perfect.. and I love her.

why

I feel lost sometimes. I cant really explain why. It's just something that keeps haunting me everyday. My house isnt exactly the sweetest place to live. I dont know.. It's probably my fault, but I cant really see how.

I know my place, and they deserve respect. But I kinda feel like Im old enough, you know.. I mean, Im tired of doing things and accepting orders without ever knowing why. Im not a kid anymore..

Yeah I know it sounds pretty bad writing down these things but for me it's the ultimate truth. I just want them to stop blaming me for everything bad that happens in their lives, ITS NOT MY FAULT!!! Im not a bad person, I know that. I couldnt possibly want to destroy my family, they're almost everything to me..

oh well, I just needed a break to write this down..

nº1

and this is how I start something new by writing this post, hopefully the first of many (or not..)

anyway, I always felt like I needed something like this to help me out, cause lately all of this doesnt look like enough. I mean, right now my life isnt perfect, but it could be better.. much better..

And this, this place, this blog, this diary, whatever.. it always sounded like the best way to express myself, my personal spot, but I had never really thought about it until now.

keep up