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14.02.08 - you took something from me.

No word can replace a feeling. However, a feeling can be shown throug a lot of ways. That's what I chose to do. It didn't make any sense at all to me to give you something that didn't have that special touch, that didn't have a certain meaning by the time I gave it to you.

So I decided to quit it. As soon as I grabbed that pen, it happend. It was like a dream. The words just kept flowing through me, on and on, and I wasn't just trying hard to contain myself because, I mean, why?

It took me a couple of hours or so. There I stood, looking at what had been my total freedom of thoughts through those last 2 hours. Making what seemed to me that was the only thing I could ever give that actually had a true meanig on it, and I was so hoping that you would understarnd it.

Every single word was felt. A share of my own identity has been given away and put together along with all my love for you, so that you may never forget me so easily.

selfish ways

It's been a while since I last wrote someting. Such happened because I didn't feel like I needed to lay down my thoughts as regularly as I used to. All I needed was right in front of me. And I just couldn't take enough profit of it.

This cost me the most valuable friendship I've ever had.

Today I looked back furter more. I searched my past in order to seek answers to the present. To prevent myself from ever commiting the same fatal mistakes in the future. Damn it, I still cannot believe how blinded I became thanks to my pride and selfishness. I was so busy trying to ease up things a little bit on one particular and so important part of my life that I wasn't giving enough attention to the rest of it.

I guess it's all my fault. For showing lack of selflessness, for showing lack of respect. She should well give up on me, after so many opportunities that I completly wasted and threw away. There's absolutely no point in asking for forgiveness or saying I'm sorry. Just words. She'll move on with her life, pretending that I never existed. I won't ever move on with mine, knowing that I totally ended up with something that could have lasted forever had I not been soo fool and selfish.

last thursday, 15h05min, math class

'Puta da aula de matemática. Nunca se faz um cú. Esta não faltou à excepção. Mas ao contrário de algumas outras, que chegam a ter uma ponta de interesse, desta vez esqueço as falinhas mansas do stor e perco-me a olhar pela janela. À procura de algo que me dê a volta ao ambiente por entre as nuvens do céu. A meu ver, neste momento não encontro quaisquer nuvens no céu.

Por isso mesmo.

Acontece que neste momento prendem-se os meus pensamentos num outro lugar, não longe daqui, apenas a algumas salas de distância.

É lá que ela está.

Meu Deus, ajuda-me, porque já não é a primeira vez que sinto isto, não é de perto a primeira vez que isto me acontece. Só me apetece fugir. Sair daqui. Levantar-me, abrir a porta (talvez deixando-os perplexos, tanto o stor Pedro como os meus restantes colegas) e correr para a tal sala, aquela sala, constantemente vigiada dia após dia pela placa no topo da porta, onde é possível ler-se ''8ºB''. Este sentimento cresce a cada dia que passa, torna-se pesado, óptimo e ao mesmo tempo difícil de suportar. Chegava lá, contendo-me para enfrentar os olhares de rapazes e raparigas espantados.

Não quero saber. Já não. Que se fodam os olhares, eu só quero saber de um. O dela. Juro, nunca estive tão apaixonado por ela como neste preciso momento. Aquele sorriso, aquele cabelo, aqueles olhos..

Fodasse. O stor apanhou-me a escrever esta merda e obrigou-me a resolver mais um problema, assim do nada.

Enfim.. nem sei porque comecei a escrever. Saiu-me. A aula está quase a acabar, de qualquer das maneiras. À custa disto (a que nem sei muito o que chamar), a aula para mim passou mais lentamente, mas mais fácil de aguentar. E eu não paro de pensar nela.

Nunca.'



never thought a girl could ever make me write texts during math classes..

whatever..

You know what? I don't care. It's your life, do whatever the fuck you want with it.

Some people are really odd, y'a know. Strange. Weird. Bizarre. There're those who don't understand 'cause they can't, they don't have enough knowledge or don't have the ability to understand.

And, likewise, there are those who don't give a shit and don't understand 'cause they don't want to.

As for me, I try my best to listen to others, 'cause there's always more to it than meets the eye. I don't really appreciate taking the wrong conclusions about something.

Or someone..

Man and Woman

Here's something I found in a friend of mine's blog. Just to show you how SOME women can really piss you off..

He: Hi there! Haven't we seen each other before, once or twice?
She: It can only have been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

He: Can I get your name?
She: Why? Haven't you been given one already?

He: Where have you been since I just met you now?
She: Hiding from you.

He: Haven't we met some place else?
She: Yeah. That's why I've never been there again.

He: Can I pay you a drink?
She: Truth be said, I'd rather have you paying me the money.

He: That seat next to you, is it empy?
She: Yes it is. And if you sit on it, mine will go empty as well.

He: Where did you get all that beauty?
She: I must have got your share of it.

He: That little face of yours must make everyone crazy.
She: And that one of yours must make everyone sick.

He: Will you go out with me next saturday?
She: I'm sorry. I'll be having headaches.

He: Come on, don't be shy. Ask me to go for a ride.
She: Ok, go for a ride.

He: I think I can make you very happy.
She: How? You're leaving?

He: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
She: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

He: Your body is like a temple.
She: I'm sorry, today I'm not having any mass.

He: If I could see you naked, I would die of happiness.
She: If I could see you naked, I would die of laugh.


Oh well.. What a strange world we live in..

My little runaway..

I wanna go away. Far from everything else. Somewhere they can't find me.

What? Yeah. You can come too. I'll take you with me. We'll see the sun shine until the end of days. Together. We'll just lie down on the beach and let ourselves get wet by the sea.

We could run away forever. No one would ever find us. It would be great to spend all my days with you.

Without ever saying goodbye..

Leave out all the rest

This one had to be post.. finally a song I can identifie myself with


I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared
But no one would listen, cause no one else cares
After my dreaming I woke with this fear:
''What am I leaving when I'm done here?''

So if you're asking me I want you to know..

When my time comes,
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed..
Don't resent me,
And when you're felling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid, of taking my beating
I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect, but neither have you..

So if you're asking me I want you to know..

When my time comes,
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed..
Don't resent me,
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest..

Forgetting
All the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are..